I Have Landed
For some, it’s an arrival, for others not so much.
Welcome to my substack.
I write poems, witty tales of adventure and other fictional stories that sometimes border on snarky. I’m being kind of course. I’m probably not nearly as witty or snarky as I think.
I am decidedly not one of those poets (bless ‘em) who dig deeply into the human condition, which should be obvious from the titles of my books, all of which can be ordered (wink, wink) from Amazon (links in bio) for $9 a pop - I only make about a dime a book ( pretax of course ) so it’s obviously not about the money, but the simple enjoyment I get from sharing. All my books are independently published through Lulu.com.
Crocodiles Don’t Wear Socks ( 2022 )
The Knocking Door ( 2021 )
Quiet Please, I’m Rhyming! ( 2020 )
Astrowave Frontier ( 2019 )
There were some earlier books, but they are no longer available, mostly because they sucked.
Many of my poems were written for kids, but only “Astrowave” could be considered safe reading for all ages. Grown ups will of course enjoy the many innuendos and outright vulgarities found in some of the other books.
Let’s start with a kid poem to see what you think. This first poem is about a bratty little girl who never listens to her mom.
Lucy Laughed at Leopards
Lucy laughed at leopards,
Both salted ones and peppereds.
She made faces at the ocelot
Even after being told to not.
She stuck out her tongue at the polar bear,
And pulled the lion's shaggy hair.
Her mother told her, "Stop it, please!",
But Lucy thought it was fun to tease.
Lucy poked the tiger, vicious.
The tiger thought she was delicious.
Ouch! Right? I always listened to my mom.
Okay, this second poem I wouldn’t read to my grandkids. Not yet anyway.
Cosmological Lovers
Let's just assume there are lovers in space,
Doing what lovers do, face to face —
Bumping their elbows, brushing their thighs,
Looking longingly, averting their eyes.
And then let's assume that one becomes encouraged,
Makes an advance without being discouraged,
Places their hand on the other one's breast,
Leans in close (you can imagine the rest),
Holding hands while they bound across Mars,
Lying in craters under the stars,
Eventually leading to the baring of fruits,
Unclasping of helmets, unbuckling of boots,
Flesh upon flesh, breath upon breath,
Depressurization and inevitable death.
I’ve been told I kill off many of my main characters. Some good life lessons there I bet.
If you want to read some more goodies right now, you can checkout my website at https://timforsythe.com to read random selections, watch some videos of me doing my absolute best reading these and other poems, or fix a drink, take a toke, lie back and listen audio recordings for each book wear Siri and other AI voices, accompanied by mood music, read a wide variety of selections.
I’m not yet sure how I can use this platform to reach a willing audience, so please (I dare you) share this with your fun lovin’ friends (or enemies).
You can also find me in Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. Again links in my bio.
Take care of yourself and be sweet with others.
TF